Poem “Investment Returns”

So freaking awesome
So freaking awesome

It’s safe to say that when you’re watching the Red Sox in the playoffs in the middle of afternoon, drinking beer, you write poetry, correct?

Well what a coincidence, so do I!

Hence, my inaugural Bankers Anonymous “Finance Poem.”  Ahem, thank you.  Thank you very much.


Investment Returns


You CAN get from there from here.

If you return 10% per year

Every year

Your penny becomes a million dollars, over time


That’s just math, and 193 and one half years.


One penny to a billion dollars?

265 and one half years.


We are all in a rush

But our money will take us there.

The dumbest low cost index fund will take you there.


Now, listen up Buck-o

The Global Macro Strategic Mazerati Fund[1] wants to carry you past all those clunkers

Over the rumble strips

Jump the shoulder

Two-wheeling in the breakdown lane

Honking down the hood at the ones stuck in heavy traffic

Held back by catalytic converters

MPH signs

And a lack of imagination.


For 2% management fee and a 20% incentive allocation

The occasional Wells notice

And maybe an inside tip or two but it’s worth it because

Let’s hurry hurry hurry

And get you rich.


You wouldn’t be caught dead driving a Hyundai?[2]

Like Simon & Garfunkel said,

Slow down, you move too fast.

You WILL get there from here.

[1] I drove a Mazerati for a weekend in the Hamptons.  So freaking awesome.

[2] I now drive a Hyundai.


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Public Speaking


I founded Bankers Anonymous because, as a recovering banker, I believe that the gap between the financial world as I know it and the public discourse about finance is more than just a problem for a family trying to balance their checkbook, or politicians trying to score points over next year’s budget – it is a weakness of our civil society. For reals. It’s also really fun for me.

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